Link, the Annoyance Slayer: RoE Finale
by Janus3003
Summary: The Return of Evil Finale. Hyrule prepares for its final battle with the Annoyances as Link prepares to face off with the Supreme Dictator, Pikachu, himself. READ THE AUTHOR'S NOTE.
1. The Breath Before the Plunge

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

_**IMPORTANT!!! READ THIS!!!**_

**Somebody was offended by the fact that LtAS: Return of Evil is written in script format and reported it. It has been deleted.**

**I will rewrite the latest chapter in the normal format, and continue from there. If any of you want the rest of the series, email me at:**

**j a n u s 3 0 0 3 a t t . n e t**

**Remove the spaces. I put them there to see if it will help avoid junk mail. I will also eventually post Take Two and Return of Evil on K a s u t o . n e t.**

**Thank you, and I'm sorry that this has happened. **

**This isn't my best writing style. Annoyance Slayer works best in script format, but oh well. Life goes on. Go read my other fic, The Legend Begins. That's definitely my best work in this format.**

**-Janus Kamaren**

**_STOP! IF YOU HAVE NOT READ THE ABOVE NOTICE, THEN DO IT NOW, OR YOU WILL BE CONFUSED BEYOND BELIEF WHEN READING THE STORY!!!_**

* * *

**LINK, THE ANNOYANCE SLAYER: THE RETURN OF EVIL FINALE**

By: Janus Kamaren

Chapter 1: The Breath Before the Plunge

* * *

_HYRULE CASTLE – SAME NIGHT_

Pikachu was sitting in a room with several other Annoyances.

"Okay," he said slowly, "explain to me what happened." Poser Tubbie #1 was the first to respond.

"Man, it was crazy as ####! Dat cracka boy Link come in and WHAM he think he got da funk and I'm like, 'Hey, no, man, this ain't no jolly ride, uh,' and he den goes BOOM and I'm like, 'Crazy foo'!' and BAM I'm out and he gone wit da #####!" Pikachu stared at the hoody-clad Teletubbie.

"Tubbie #1, translate."

"Link came in, used Poser Tubbie #1's head as a key, and escaped with the princess." Pikachu nodded.

"Tubbie Prison Guard, what's your story?" The prison guard cleared his throat.

"Well, you see, it was all like this. Ganondorf came and-" Suddenly, morning light shined in through the windows. Tubbie Prison Guard's eyes grew wide, and he started to sing.

"Oh, what a beautiful mornin'!

Oh, what a beautiful day!

I've got a beautiful feelin'

Everythin's goin' mah way!" Everybody in the room stared at Tubbie Prison Guard, completely silent. A baby cried in the background.

"Tubbie #1?" Pikachu asked.

"Ganondorf started singing and everyone joined in while Link, Zelda, Ganondorf, King Daphnes, and Random Gerudo escaped."

"Okay. Purple Link, for the hatred of all that is evil, please tell me something smart." Purple Link seemed thoroughly pleased with himself.

"Ha! It was amazing! Link came at me, and I proceeded to beat his sword with my own! As I gallantly walked back up the stairs, making him follow me, I hit his foot with my stomach and strategically fell to the floor! I then hit his fist with my face! I got back up, continuing to hit his sword with mine! Finally, I backed away to save him from my terrible wrath, and crashed through the window down to the moat, where my boat awaited me! I had saved him from a horrible, violent end." He smiled proudly. Everyone in the room stared at him, completely silent.

"He got his butt kicked, sir," Tubbie #1 translated. Pikachu snapped his fingers.

"To the training room with him. NOW!" Guards took Purple Link away, while a frantic-looking Tubbie #3,710 ran in.

"OH, MY GOSH!" he cried. "WHERE'S WALDO!?" Everyone in the room gasped.

"Waldo's missing?" Tubbie #1 asked, falling to his knees. "NOOOOOOOOO!!!" Pikachu peered at a dark corner, and noticed something.

"WALDO'S SHOE!" he cried. He grabbed it and sniffed at it. "It's fresh." Pikachu noticed a dotted black trail on the ground.

"Hey," Tubbie #1 pointed out. "Little Billy from The Family Circus has been here! He's never up here! What was he doing?"

"Let us very evilly investigate," Pikachu said evilly. The two followed the trail. They noticed that it never stayed straight, and always circled things like tables and chairs. They followed it to the Torture Chamber of Utmost Terror and General Unpleasantness. Hearing screams coming from inside, Tubbie #1 tried to open the door, but it was locked. Pikachu shot electricity out of his cheeks, blowing the door open. They found Waldo tied to the torture rack, screaming as Billy, laughing maniacally, turned the crank.

"Stop!" Pikachu ordered. Billy merely laughed.

"You're too late!" he cried. "You see, I am more evil than you! Say goodbye to your precious Waldo!" Before anything could be done, the crank was turned. A loud snapping sound was heard, and Waldo was silent.

"You will die for this, Billy," Pikachu said maliciously.

"No, I believe it is _you_ who will die, soon to be ex-Supreme Dictator!" He pulled out two hand axes.

"Leave us," Pikachu ordered Tubbie #1. Billy jumped high and came down, trying to cleave Pikachu's head in two. The evil Pokemon dodged, firing balls of electricity at Billy, who deflected them with his axes, despite the fact that they're metal and should really conduct electricity. Go figure. He swung at Pikachu, who dodged it by bending over backwards. Pikachu came back up and punched Billy in the face, knocking him down. He flipped him over, grabbed his arms, and pulled them as high as he could. Billy cried out in pain and dropped the axes. Pikachu shocked Billy, and used his electrical powers to lift him high in the air, twirling him around.

"Mercy! Please!" Billy screamed. Pikachu glared at him.

"You slay one of the evilest members of the Annoyances, laughing the evil laugh, try to usurp my power, and then swear at me? Prepare for evil hydroelectric death!" Pikachu used his electricity to dunk Billy into a small tub of water, reducing him to a charred, smoking skeleton. Pikachu looked at the corpse.

"You're fired."

* * *

_Meanwhile, at Kokiri Forest-_

"Are you okay, Zelda?" Link asked. She had been sitting on a cliff, overlooking the village, completely silent. Link sat down next to her.

"He made me weed his garden, Link." Link sighed and put his arm around her.

"I know."

"And… he replaced Charlotte Russe with… with…" Her voice broke. "_Hot Topic!_" she cried on Link's shoulder. He held her tightly, trying to comfort her. Ganondorf walked up, rolling his eyes.

"Great, another mushy scene," he commented. He noticed Zelda sobbing. "What's wrong with her?"

"Pikachu's put a Hot Topic in Hyrule, Ganondorf," Link answered.

"That place with Neo-wannabe employees?"

"Yes."

"That place where people buy weird clothing and call everyone else freaks?"

"Yes."

"That place where boys go in looking normal and come back out looking like Dracula?"

"Yes." Ganondorf gasped.

"By Din, he's so evil…"

* * *

_HYRULE CASTLE – Later that day…_

A random fanfiction author approached Pikachu.

"Hi!" she said.

"What do you want?" Pikachu asked, rather annoyed.

"I'm writing a Zelda ficcy!"

"Why are you-"

"It's uber kawaii! See, it's a drama/romance that is completely filled with overly used clichés! I won't tell you the plot; you have to read it yourself! It starts out as Link/Malon, but then Malon dies, and then it's a Link/Nabooru! But they have a fight, and it's then a Link/Saria! But Ganondorf kills Saria, so it becomes a Link/Ruto! But Ruto cannibalizes her father, Link kills her, and he's sad. But everything turns out okay after Ganondorf dies and it becomes a Link/Zelda!" She smiled proudly. "But I won't tell you what happens, though. Bye!" She started to leave, but turned around. "Oh, and I don't want any flames."

"Understandable," Pikachu responded, about to command the troop's death for writing something that made the enemy look good.

"And I don't want any constructive criticism either! It is very rude, and I cry whenever I get it! All I want are reviewers that tell me that my story is the best ever and worship me." She turned around and walked down the hallway.

"Guards! Engage the traitor!" Pikachu ordered. Teletubbies appeared out of nowhere and body slammed the doomed soldier.

"Hey, sir," a raspy voice said. "Up here." Pikachu looked up to Spy Tubbie #6, who was still suspending himself by keeping his feet on the walls.

"What are you doing up there!?"

"I've been here since chapter 3 of the original form of this fic. I think that the Author and readers forgot about me."

"Hey, pal, you're not the one wearing the maid outfit," said Spy Tubbie #5, walking down the corridor. Spy Tubbies 7,8, and 9 showed up.

"We have-"

"-been here-"

"-for almost the-"

"-entire story."

"Hey! Stop-"

"-finishing my-"

"-sentences!" Pikachu backed away slowly as the Tubbies proceeded to beat the snot out of each other, but Tubbie #1 ran up to him.

"Sir! We have finished the computer lab!"

"Show me." Pikachu followed Tubbie #1 to the computer lab. Tubbie #1 opened the door to the computer lab, and Pikachu beheld a great spectacle: iMacs. Lots and lots of iMacs. A tear of joy ran down his cheek. Such evil he had never before beheld. Tubbie #1 removed his hat and bowed his head in reverence to the evilness. Suddenly, Pikachu composed himself and turned around.

"Let's go." They both walked away.

"Sir, our spies bring word that the Hyruleans will attack tomorrow."

"And we will be waiting for them." Pikachu laughed a very evil laugh.

* * *

_KOKIRI FOREST – That night_

"Goodnight, Link. Thanks for cheering me up," Zelda said, kissing Link on the cheek. She entered the tree house she was staying in.

"Goodnight," Link responded. He turned around to find Ganondorf.

"Aww," Ganondorf mocked, "how sweet."

"Shut up." Ganondorf chuckled.

"Question- Where're Impa and Saria? All the Sages except for them have shown up." Impa and Saria poofed into existence and walked off to another part of the camp. Suddenly, in a sleeping bag at the other end of the camp, Random Gerudo sat straight up, looking to the heavens, arms in the air.

"GREAT ONE!" she shouted. Ganondorf sighed.

"I can't tell her to shut up anymore. It's a bad example for the kiddies."

"True," Link agreed.

"You better get to bed. We're moving out tomorrow."

"I know. You should, too."

"I am. You know…"

"What?"

"Zelda did look cute in her slave outfit." Link nodded.

"Darn right."

The next morning…

Ganondorf sat on the cliff overlooking the forest. He watched as the Hyrulean people prepared to take back their homes. He stood up and extended his right arm. With a bold and powerful voice, he began to sing:

"Do you hear the people sing?  
Singing a song of angry men?  
It is the music of a people  
Who will not be slaves again!  
When the beating of your heart  
Echoes the beating of the drums  
There is a life about to start  
When tomorrow comes!"

Meanwhile, Link was getting ready. With dramatic music playing in the background, he threw on a coat of chainmail. He put his tunic over that and tightened his belt around his waist and his baldric across his chest. He slipped on his leather gauntlets and put his hat on his head. He turned for the Master Sword but found Zelda handing it to him, smiling.

"Thank you," he said, taking and equipping it.

"I could have ripped off Lord of the Rings right there, but I decided against it." Ganondorf walked in, messing with some chainmail.

"If I had time, I'd get this adjusted," he said, letting go of the chainmail. It dropped to the floor. This was odd, considering he was very tall. "It's a little tight across the chest!" Random Gerudo walked in, placing a hand on Ganondorf's shoulder.

"Ganondorf…" she said. He chuckled nervously.

"Sorry, couldn't resist."

The army moved out, ready for the battle of their lives. Zelda glared at Hot Topic as they passed through the market. They reached the castle, finding thousands of Teletubbies waiting for them. Tingle's cult was present as well. King Daphnes took charge.

"Nabooru, take your Gerudo down to the left flank! Darunia, follow the King's banner down to the center! Bovine, take your company right after you pass the wall! Forth, and fear no darkness! Arise! Arise riders of Hyrule! Blades will bleed! Shields will shatter! And though the light may fade, Hyrule will rise again! A sword day! A red day! Ere the sun rises!"

"Whatever happens," Link whispered in Zelda's pointed ear, "stay with me. I'll look after you." Daphnes rode down the frontline, tapping his men's swords with his own.

"Ride now!" he cried. "Ride now! Ride! Ride for freedom and tyranny's ending!" He faced his army. "Freedom!"

"Freedom!" they repeated.

"Freedom!" Daphnes cried even louder.

"Freedom!" the soldiers cried.

_"FREEDOM!"_ the king shouted one last time.

_"FREEDOM!"_ the army responded, Link and Zelda joining in this time.

_"Forth, Hyruleans!"_ the king commanded. Several soldiers blew into their horns, the sound echoing throughout the land. The charge on the castle began.

Pikachu, standing on the wall, grinned evilly.

"Give them squash," he ordered Tubbie #1. He walked back into the castle, laughing evilly.

**TO BE CONTINUED**

* * *

**Okay, if you have no idea what events have led up to this and have no clue what this story is about, _IT'S YOUR FAULT!!! I GAVE YOU ENOUGH WARNING! GO READ THE NOTE AT THE TOP!!!_**

**LadyAkki45**: Actually, the cows are NOT from Kung Pow (which I never saw). They come from an online game called City of Heroes. My friends and I made cows on it. Mine had guns and electric powers (Mr. Bovine). One of my friend's had martial arts abilities. Good guess, though.

My thanks to **Nephele** for telling me about Charlotte Russe, which I have never heard of.

**Question for readers-**

How do you imagine Pikachu's voice? I'm just curious. I'll tell you how I imagine it in the next chapter.

Can I get some reviews for my new fic, The Legend Begins? It's an Action/Adventure/Romance novelization of the first Zelda game. Thanks.

_I'm sorry this took so long to get back up._

_-Janus Kamaren_


	2. Castles, Cults, and Cows

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Sorry about my absence. I had a lot of writer's block.

**The Voice of Pikachu**- Pikachu's voice is actually very deep. He also speaks with a bit of an English accent. Think of a mix between Jafar and Dr. Evil. Pikachu also tends to put great emphasis on the word "evil." Especially with the phrase "very evil," which he says slowly.

However, when it comes to singing, he can do a perfect imitation of Michael Jackson (if the occasion calls for it). Otherwise, he's a bass.

The Link, the Annoyance Slayer web site is up, but still under construction. Check it out if you get the chance.  
h t t p : l t a s . i 8 . c o m  
Remove the spaces. No w w w.

**LINK, THE ANNOYANCE SLAYER: THE RETURN OF EVIL – FINALE**

_By: Janus Kamaren_

Chapter 2: Castles, Cults, and Cows

* * *

"Give them squash," Pikachu ordered Tubbie #1. He walked back into the castle, laughing evilly. Tubbie #1 looked to the Tubbies lining the battlements of the castle.  
"_SQUASH!"_ he shouted.  
"_SQUASH!"_ the captains repeated to their men. Each of the Teletubbies raised either a pumpkin, a zucchini, or a normal, every-day squash above their head. The Hyrulean forces continued their charge on the castle.  
_"RELEASE SQUASH!"_ Tubbie #1 commanded, the captains repeating his order. Each of the Teletubbies obeyed, hurling their squashes down on their enemies. Hylians, Gerudo, and cows all screamed as the vegetables rained down, colliding with their heads and torsos. Hylian archers returned fire with their powerful bows, slaying several Tubbies.  
_"RETURN FIRE!"_ Tubbie #1 ordered, the captains repeating the order, despite the fact that Tubbie #1 screamed so loud that people over in Lake Hylia could hear him.

* * *

Meanwhile, Tingle was surveying the battle. He observed the Hyruleans putting ladders up against the castle walls in a Lord of the Rings fashion and that really cool sword fights were starting to break out. He also saw Gorons that had popped into the story for no apparent reason curling up into balls and being launched by catapults.  
"Tell me, O Wise One, why do we need a maiden sacrifice?" asked David Jr. He was a member of Tingle's cult, and showed his devotion by wearing an outfit much like Tingle's, except that it was white and he was wearing gray underwear on the outside as opposed to red. He simply wasn't cool enough to wear red underwear like Tingle.  
"Because the _Book of Cultism and Everything Like That_ says so," replied Tingle.  
"Really?"  
"No. I just want to annoy Dora. You know how she complains about how sexist maiden sacrifices are."  
"Oh, okay." Tingle continued surveying the battle. That means looking at it, you dolt, not running around asking every soldier about his or her interests. Geez…  
"O Wise One," David Jr. started to say.  
"Silence!" Tingle punched David Jr. "Maiden at twelve o'clock!" He jumped high in the air. Apparently he didn't notice the vast amounts of Gerudo warriors.

* * *

Malon was sitting on the side of the battle, periodically running over to wounded soldiers with a bottle of milk. She would then force feed them said cow juice, miraculously healing them. Go figure. For reasons pertaining to humor, she looked up at the sun. Suddenly, the silhouette of Tingle appeared. She screamed as Tingle pounced on her and jumped back to where he was a moment before. He and David Jr. ran off into the castle with Malon, not laughing evilly because they were devoted members of the Annoyances and knew what would happen to those who laughed the Evil Laugh. Mr. Bovine managed to see this and followed them. For some reason, the Annoyances didn't take advantage of this lethal soldier's distraction. Morons.

* * *

Meanwhile, Link, Zelda, and Ganondorf had somehow entered the castle. Don't ask how. They just did. They're in it. You're not. Shut up. 

The heroes were in a very large, circular room with four corridors leading into it. Purple Link was standing at the end of the corridor opposite of them, sword drawn and a confident smile on his face. Dora came in from the left, wearing black robes. Poser Tubbie #1 came from the right. Link drew his sword, and approached Purple Link. Zelda approached Dora, curved short swords ready. Ganondorf stepped toward (notice that he didn't approach) Poser Tubbie #1, gripping his large great sword. Three fights were about to begin, in case you didn't get the idea already.

_Zelda's Battle_

Dora grinned maliciously and fired a fireball. Zelda dodged it and jumped, performing a flying kick. A shadowy figure of Dora emerged and moved out of the way, Dora's real form sliding back into it, the two forms becoming one. Now just how cool is that? Doing the really neato shadow form trick again, she moved towards Zelda, fist extended. Because of this, Zelda got punched in the face twice. She fell to the ground, but rolled and recovered. Dora came at her again. This time, Zelda executed several rapid kicks to the shadow's face, the real Dora merging with the shadow in the midst of the attacks. Zelda ended with one final kick dead on the nose, sending the explorer flying. She smacked into the wall and hit the ground. The shadow stood up first, and then her. She muttered something in Spanglish and she and her shadow split again. Both of them summoned a small pebble and threw them at the Princess of Hyrule.  
"Ouch!" Zelda shouted, rubbing her head. The Doras smiled.  
"We did it! We did it!" they started to sing. Immediately, Zelda threw one of her swords at the shadow. Their infernal singing ceased, and they merged into one again. Dora gasped and looked down at the blade in her stomach. She fell to the ground, dead.  
That was the end of Zelda's battle, in case you didn't notice. Cheer and wave flags. Now.

_Ganondorf's Combat_

"Awright, foo', I'm-a-gonna hafta bust a cap on ya, ya dig, Holmes?" Poser Tubbie #1 said. Ganondorf blinked.  
"I have no clue what you just said to me," he admitted. The Tubbie sighed.  
"Bust… cap… dig?"  
"Dude, no. I still don't get it." The Tubbie rolled his eyes. He began to whisper.  
_"Look, it means that I'm going to fight you, okay?"_ He talked "normally" again. "You dig, Polly G. Rodney!?"  
"I dig, but you lost me with the 'Polly G. Rodney.' You're _really_ bad at this, you know that?"  
"It means-" Ganondorf grabbed him by his hoody and slammed him against the wall.  
"Okay, okay, my man!" Poser Tubbie #1 cried. "I get you! You don't have to hit so hard, man!" He started to cry. "Don't do this to me, man! Be a bruther!" Ganondorf sighed and knocked the pathetic creature out cold. He wasn't even worth killing.

Meanwhile, Random Gerudo was fighting outside. Suddenly, she realized that an Annoyance had been defeated in battle, but not slain. She dropped to her knees, raised her arms, and cried out, _"GREAT ONE!!!"_ The Annoyances once again did not use this moment to their advantage.

_Link's Struggle_

Purple Link stood there with a pitifully dumb expression on his face.  
"Let's finish this," Link said. Purple Link smiled idiotically at him. He had something behind his back.  
"This time, Link," he said, "I kill you!" He revealed what deadly weapon he had. It was a copy of John Steinbeck's _The Grapes of Wrath_. The living book struggled against Purple Link's firm grasp.  
"_Catch this, hero!"_ he squealed, releasing the book. It jumped up and latched onto the Hero of Time's face. Link screamed in pain as he tried to pry the book off. He could see absolutely nothing.  
**Link…** he heard a deep, dark voice say. **Link… there is no sin or virtue, only things people do, and some things ain't so nice.  
**_Don't listen, don't listen,_ he thought.  
**Socialism is the way to go, Hero of Time. It will bridge the gap between rich and poor by making everybody poor.  
**_No…  
_**We should sympathize with those who believe that the best response to a bank evicting you due to severe economic troubles is by shooting the head of that bank. Attacking people with an axe in one hand and a chicken in the other is very heroic, Link.  
**_NO!_ he screamed mentally. _I know what you are! I know that it's you speaking to me, Steinbeck! All you did was take a terrible part of history that I really shouldn't know about since I live in a completely different world and used it to preach socialism! That's all you did! You also used different pages to fulfill your boyish fantasies! Take a cold shower! It's an ancient Gerudo remedy, and it always works!  
_**De…… uh….. $##$…  
**The book fell from Link's face, finally defeated. Link picked up the Master Sword (Purple Link was making shadow puppets on the wall), looked at _The Grapes of Wrath_, shouted, and ran the sacred blade through the pages. The book was suddenly caught in a holy flame, and soon burned to ashes. Purple Link looked back up. He blinked a few times, Link glaring at him. Purple Link started throwing several horrible books at him, things like _The House on Mango Street_ by Sandra Cisneros, Steinbeck's _The Pearl_, and Jack London's _The Call of the Wild_. The Hero of Time sliced each of these in half while they were in midair, each of them catching fire. Purple Link cringed as Link swung his blade at his stomach. The blade cut straight through, white light shining out through the open wound. Purple Link cried out in pain and exploded into more of the white light. Why just light? Because it's _cool…_

* * *

Meanwhile, Tingle and his cult (consisting of himself, David Jr., and the pink spandex with red underwear-clad Ankle) had Malon tied up and were about to perform their sacrificial ceremony. Suddenly, Mr. Bovine kicked down the door, gun ready, glaring more angrily than usual. Tingle glanced at him.  
"Hey- who's the cow?" he asked.  
_"Are you talking to me?"_ Mr. Bovine responded quietly, yet furiously.  
"Oh, no, you called him a cow," Malon said.  
"Are you talking to me!?"  
"You shouldn't have done that."  
**"Are you talking to me!?"  
**"Now you're in for it."  
"They call me _Mr. Bovine!"_ he shouted, unloading machine gun fire on Tingle and his men, screaming.

* * *

Link, Zelda, and Ganondorf were running up a tower.  
"Hold it right there!" a voice shouted as they stepped into one of the rooms. Don Pooh jumped in front of them.  
"You'll have to go through me!" he said. He shouted, ripping off his shirt, revealing bulging muscles. Ganondorf glared at him.  
"I'll take him. You two keep going!" he ordered. The Gerudo King ripped off his shirt/breastplate/whatever, revealing bulging muscles, shouting. Zelda and Link's eyes grew as wide as dinner plates. After the simile, they immediately continued their ascent up the stairs.

* * *

"Greetings, Master Bovine," a pacifist said to Mr. Bovine. He and Malon stopped, eyeing this new foe. The pacifist continued.  
"Why do you fight?" he asked.  
"For our freedom, despite the fact that we live in a monarchy and our freedom depends on what kind of guy is put into power," Malon responded.  
"Ah, but you have no honor in you, defending your country and people by fighting. You see, pacifism would work, if everyone tried it."  
"Hey, buddy, ever heard of World War II?" Mr. Bovine was from Paragon City, a futuristic Earth city, and knew his history. Smart bull. "Hitler wasn't going to give pacifism a shot."  
"Ah, but you should have thought of people other than yourselves. Why kill when you can be put into bondage and perform a lifetime of service? There is great joy in bringing to pass the dreams of others." A shotgun blast was heard, and the pacifist was no more.

* * *

"Uh-huh. Yeah. Yep. Yes, that car's mine. Red Mustang. Uh-huh. Good." Pikachu hung up the phone, his business complete. He heard footsteps. He turned around to see Link, Hero of Time, and Zelda, Princess of Hyrule.  
"Hey, wait," the Supreme Dictator of the Annoyances said, "there's two of you."  
"Exactly," Link responded.  
"That's not fair." Pikachu suddenly whipped out a kazoo and played Zelda's Lullaby. Zelda's eyes fluttered shut. Link caught her as she fell fast asleep. He slowly and gently set her on the ground.  
"That was cheap, Pikachu," he said angrily.  
"Yes, but it was very evil." The two opponents glared at each other, prepared for combat. 

**TO BE CONTINUED…**

_Author's Notes-_

I seriously hate _The Grapes of Wrath._ It really does take a terrible part of American history and use it to preach socialism. I really hated the messages it was sending. But, if that's your thing, then be my guest.

I'm not spitting on the memory of those who lived during that time period. My grandfather was in the Dust Bowl itself.

Obviously, Lion King was ripped off in the Tingle/Malon/Bovine scene. Paragon City is a city in the game City of Heroes. Let's say "city" even more! Citycitycitycitycitycitycity…

The pacifist is an exaggeration of someone I saw on a message board on

The Link, the Annoyance Slayer web site is up, but still under construction. Check it out if you get the chance.  
h t t p : l t a s . i 8 . com  
Remove the spaces. No w w w.

Finally, can I get some more reviews for The Legend Begins? Thanks.

-Janus Kamaren


	3. The Fight Scene

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Sorry for the long wait...

* * *

_**LINK, THE ANNOYANCE SLAYER: THE RETURN OF EVIL – FINALE**_

By: Janus Kamaren

Chapter 3: _The_ Fight Scene

* * *

"And now, Link," Pikachu said, taking a fighting stance, _"FACE MY EVILRY!"_ He leapt to the attack. Link whirled around, dodging Pikachu and drawing his sword. Pikachu turned around in mid-air, landing on his feet. He lunged at Link again, grabbing his head and knocking him to the ground. He punched the Hero of Time and was about to hit him again when Link bashed the Supreme Dictator's head with the hilt of the Master Sword, knocking him to the side. Link chopped at Pikachu, who rolled out of the way and delivered a swift kick to Link's shin. He did a back flip, kicking Link in the chin. Link fell to the ground, but quickly raised up on his hands, thrusting his feet forward, kicking Pikachu in the face and getting himself back on his feet at the same time. The rat spat blood out of his mouth, and shot bolts of electricity out of his red cheek pouches. The Master Sword glowing, Link deflected each bolt. Charging electricity throughout his entire body, Pikachu rammed his shoulder into Link's stomach at high-speed, sending him flying back into the wall. Pikachu laughed evilly. He snapped his fingers. There was a bright flash of light, and four short, fat, and unbelievably stupid kids appeared. They were n00bs. Link struggled to get back up to his feet. The n00bs pounced him, beating him with their little fists and began their idiotic questions and comments that all happened to be in caps lock while some were in 1337.  
"WENZ THE NU ZELDDA COMMING OUT HUH LOL!111"  
"GO WITH TEH M/0N SHE R0XX0RZ AND GIV U TEH HORSY!11!"  
"HOW DO I GET THE WHOLE TRIFORCE IN OCARINA OF TIME!1?"  
"TEH L3DG3ND OF Z3LDA R0XX0RZ ALL OTH3R GAMZ TEH SUXX0R!11!" Link cried out in pain while Pikachu laughed, enjoying himself far too much to recognize that this was his chance to finish Link off. Suddenly, Pikachu took a kick to the head and the n00bs were knocked off of Link. Link looked up to find Zelda, rubbing the "sleepies" out of her eyes and yawning. She helped him up.  
"Thought you could use some help."  
"Thanks," Link said. He realized that Pikachu had moved to a different chamber. Zelda noticed the n00bs getting back on their feet.  
"Go get him, Link." Link chased after Pikachu, the open door shutting and locking behind. Such is common in the Zelda series. 

Ganondorf and Don Pooh glared at each other. Ganondorf made the first move. He faked to the right, and kicked Pooh in the stomach. Pooh quickly grabbed Ganondorf's foot. He twisted it while letting go, throwing Ganondorf into a spiral fall to the hard floor. Ganondorf got back up, Pooh about to hit him again. He ran to the wall, Pooh chasing him. Ganondorf ran up the wall, flipping off of it and grabbing Pooh by the head. He threw the Don over his head the same time he landed on his feet.

Pikachu knocked the Master Sword out of Link's hand, and the two proceeded to grapple with each other, when suddenly-  
_"GUYS!"_ the Prep Tubbie shouted, running into the room. "Knickers are in!" Pikachu roared and blasted the Tubbie with electricity, knocking him out the window. Link punched him across the face and threw him to the floor. He quickly reclaimed the Master Sword. A glow emitted from Pikachu's right hand, and a light-blue scimitar, electricity running through the blade, appeared in his hand. He and Link continued their desperate battle.  
"YOU SAT ON BOB'S RIGHT!" Pikachu screamed. "HE TOOK THE GREEN CHAIR! MY INNER CHILD DIED THAT DAY! YOU AND YOUR PEOPLE DESERVE TO DIE!" Link couldn't believe it. So this was what it was all about. A stupid event in 1st grade.  
"You're an idiot!" Link shouted, continuing the battle. "That is the _dumbest_ reason I've ever heard for launching an invasion!"  
"BUT IT IS STILL EVIL!" the Supreme Dictator of the Annoyances responded psychotically. Link backed up against a drawer, Pikachu's sword coming down toward his head. He quickly rolled out of the way. Pikachu stopped canceled his swing, his sword less than an inch from the head of his teddy bear, Pooky. Pikachu gasped.  
"TIME OUT!" he cried, cradling Pooky and stroking its head. "There now, Pooky… shh… I'd never harm you…" Link couldn't believe his eyes.

Don Pooh delivered an uppercut to Ganondorf's chin, knocking him into a back flip. Ganondorf quickly regained control, kicking Pooh in the chin in midair and landing perfectly on his feet.  
"Yeah, baby!" he shouted. Ganondorf jumped and spin kicked Pooh in the face as he was getting up from the ground. Pooh fell to the ground again, finally still.

Zelda was having a harder time than Ganondorf. She was pinned by two of the n00bs, and the other two were screaming idiotic questions and comments at her. Actually, they had run out of questions and comments, so they just repeated themselves.  
"Z3LDA SHULD B A MMORPG!1!1"  
"1Z MY ZELDDAH T1M3L1N3 TH30RY C0RREXT!1?"  
Shouting, Zelda threw the n00bs away from her. She whipped out two short swords and finished off three of the n00bs. The last one disarmed her and kicked at her head. She caught his foot and threw him to the ground. She flipped, leg extended, letting it crash into the n00b's stomach. Somehow, this finally killed him… it… whatever…

Link was knocked back against the wall. Blood was running down his cheek. He clutched his bleeding arm, glaring at Pikachu. Pikachu laughed at him, his sword in one hand, the Master Sword in the other.  
"And now, Link… Hyrule is mine." Pikachu charged Link, both swords extended. Everything seemed to move in slow motion as Link suddenly grabbed Pooky and held the bear in front of him. Pikachu realized what Link had done, but he stopped too late. Both swords had run through Pooky.  
_"Nooooooooo!"_ Pikachu screamed as Link got out of the way. Pikachu attacked Link wildly. The Hero of Time caught both of Pikachu's wrists. He twisted Pikachu's left wrist, forcing him to drop the Master Sword. He kicked Pikachu away and quickly reclaimed his blade. He barely had time to block Pikachu's next attack. Pikachu attacked rapidly and ferociously. He was screaming wildly, spit flying in every direction. Shouting, Link disarmed Pikachu and stabbed him in the stomach. Pikachu gasped and looked at the blade, then back at his enemy. He made one final swipe at Link's face, but missed completely. Link removed the blade, and Pikachu slumped to the floor. The door opened, Zelda and Ganondorf running in. Realizing how tired he was, Link dropped his sword. Zelda caught him as he started to fall to the ground and held him close to her. Zelda and Ganondorf's voices were distant, and Link was dizzy. The Annoyances finally defeated, Link allowed sleep to overtake him.

_TO BE CONCLUDED_

**

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LadyAkki-** I agree wholeheartedly. Tingle is evil. Nah, the shadow thing didn't come from Riddick, which I really don't plan on seeing. Not sure where I got it, actually.  
Oh, and it's not the Random Gerudo. Her name actually is "Random Gerudo." I agree wholeheartedly. Tingle is evil. Nah, the shadow thing didn't come from Riddick, which I really don't plan on seeing. Not sure where I got it, actually.Oh, and it's not the Random Gerudo. Her name actually is "Random Gerudo." 

**Dark Sheikah- **Yes, the car comment was all for you, my friend. I like Poser Tubbie, too. As you saw, I didn't have the heart to kill him.

**Haylee- **I don't like Dora either, obviously. Thanks for the review.

There is another chapter coming. Well, two of them, if you're all good little readers. So… don't ask.


	4. Finale

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not even the Monkees' "I'm a Believer." Or the ending of Shrek.

* * *

_**LINK, THE ANNOYANCE SLAYER: THE RETURN OF EVIL – FINALE**_

By: Janus Kamaren

_Chapter 4: Finale_

* * *

The Annoyances had been defeated. And there was much rejoicing. 

_The End._

* * *

…what? 

What kind of ending is that? One that this story doesn't have.

The Annoyances had been defeated (they all went kerplop when Pikachu died, causing Random Gerudo to shout "GREAT ONE!"), and the people of Hyrule were having a PARTY, BABY!  
This party included several things, including a drunken Darunia, a dancing/singing Ganondorf, and King Daphnes rejoicing over the safety of his bobble-head collection. There was also a very important announcement made. And this announcement made the people of Hyrule…  
…have another PARTY, BABY!

* * *

**THE AFOREMENTIONED PARTY, BABY!**

Ganondorf, dark shades on his eyes, tapped the microphone to make sure it was working (which it was). He began singing without quotation marks and in italics (which requires some serious talent). Thus turning this chapter into somewhat of a songfic.

_I thought love was_

_Only true in fairy tales_

_Meant for someone else _

_But not for me_

The people of Hyrule were growing tense outside of the Temple of Time, although a ton of Gerudo women were screaming wildly at Ganondorf.

_Love was out to get me_

_That's the way it seemed…_

_Disappointment haunted_

_All my dreams…_

Suddenly, the doors of the temple opened, and Link and Zelda burst out, clad in white. The people roared, but whether it was for the Hero of Time and the Princess or for Ganondorf and his mad singing skillz, no one knows.

_And then I saw her face! (doo doo doo doo)_

_Now I'm a believer!_

_Not a trace-_

_Of doubt in my mind!_

_I'm in love!_

Link and Zelda drew each other into a kiss. Aww, ain't that sweet?

_Oooooooooh, I'm a believer_

_I couldn't leave her_

_If I tried!_

Zelda threw her bouquet into the air. Ganondorf had raised his right hand while singing, and the bouquet landed directly into his outstretched hand. He gasped and immediately stopped singing. He dropped the microphone, and his shades slid off his face and shattered on the ground. In the crowd, he saw Random Gerudo smiling prettily at him. He tugged at his collar, chuckling nervously.  
Link and Zelda laughed and hopped into a horse-drawn carriage, which carried them towards the setting sun. What a cliché.  
Fireworks rained down from the sky. The audience oohed and ahhed over this, but Random Gerudo's eyes grew wide. She fell to her knees and raised her arms above her head, looking to the sky.  
"GREAT ONE!" she cried.

_And so it was. The Annoyances had been defeated, their terrible grip on the land removed forever. Mr. Bovine, much to the dismay of his men, returned to his own world (some place called Paragon City).That one fanfiction web site decided that it was a sin to put three exclamation marks together.Link got the girl, as all heroes should. Ganondorf apparently was going to get the girl.  
And Malon, for once, did not get overly jealous over Link's decision. How's that for a change in a Zelda fanfic? Wow, no other girl gets jealous over Link choosing another? Geez, that's… that's original.  
__Anyway, everything was cool. Pikachu, the Supreme Dictator of the Annoyances, had fallen and would never again rise to say "Yes… very evil…" again. The rat had believed that he would defeat the Hylians, but the odds of evil actually triumphing and staying triumphant forevermore are about as good as the odds of the Mormons being led by a liberal._

**_THE END  
OF LINK, THE ANNOYANCE SLAYER_**

**

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childsage- Glad you liked the story. Glad you liked Mr. Bovine, too. **

**Dark Sheikah-** Hey, Jim Davis stole Pooky from _me_, not the other way around.

**BreachOfPresumption- **(bows) A pleasure to be of service.

_Well, that's it. I may or may not have an "After the Credits" bonus chapter. We'll have to see.  
Well (I say "well a lot), Annoyance Slayer is finally done. I sure had a fun time with it, and I'm glad that (for the most part) everyone else did, too.  
As for future fanfiction, I have started the first chapter of a new story (Humor/Action/Adventure). It's about Link, Zelda's bodyguard, investigating the plans of Prince Marth, a new suitor in Hyrule. Ganondorf is there, but is he evil or just plain creepy?  
Wow, that was a terrible summary. I'm not sure when I'll get this story uploaded, or heck, make up a title. Any ideas? Hopefully, this story will work out. I need to think it out some more plotwise. The Legend Begins is taking more of a priority right now, anyway._

_Thanks for reading, the reviews, and the fun._

Janus Kamaren


End file.
